And thank you for the kind words, I’m glad you’re liking the background details. They aren’t there for nothing.

“Grimly, Barrett said, ‘the ravine under the bridge is the place in town where most of the spirits gather.’” –> “Grimly, Barrett said, ‘The ravine under the bridge is the place in town where most of the spirits gather.’”

“Kimber nodded, ‘Yes, that’s probably why it came here.’” –> “Kimber nodded. ‘Yes, that’s probably why it came here.’”

“‘You want to come after a hunting wight in the dark? Absolutely not.’ Kimber said.” –> “‘You want to come after a hunting wight in the dark? Absolutely not,‘ Kimber said.”

“He held himself with poise and balance, with posture, he walked tall with no slouching.” –> “He held himself with poise and balance, with posture: he walked tall with no slouching.” Just mixing it up a little.

“Their father had always said to move with purpose, would Barrett remember?” –> “Their father had always said to move with purpose; would Barrett remember?”

“Kimber nodded, ‘Yes, it’s in the trunk of the rental car outside.’” –> “Kimber nodded. ‘Yes, it’s in the trunk of the rental car outside.’”

“Kimber was blown away by the bizarre weather, even in drought years they’d had some snow at Christmas, and they’d certainly never had rain.” –> “Kimber was blown away by the bizarre weather - even in drought years they’d had some snow at Christmas, but they’d certainly never had rain.”

“An almost instantaneous evaluation of the scene showed that another hand was standing in the hallway that lead to the rooms, holding up a faintly-glowing cross with shaking hands.” –> “An almost instantaneous evaluation of the scene showed that another hand was standing in the hallway that led to the rooms, holding up a faintly-glowing cross with shaking hands.”

“‘Barrett, is there still a first aid kit in the kitchenette?’ Kimber asked.

He nodded.”

–>

“‘Barrett, is there still a first aid kit in the kitchenette?’ Kimber asked.

Barrett nodded.” I know Barrett is the one that’s nodding, and most people would be able to figure it out quickly enough, but usually pronouns refer to the closest noun that fits, and it’s better to put the name so there’s no chance of confusion.

“Kimber smiled. ‘Yes, Chicago’s just fine. It’s good to see you too.’

He glanced around. ‘You’re the only one I still know.’”

–>

“Kimber smiled. ‘Yes, Chicago’s just fine. It’s good to see you too.’ He glanced around. ‘You’re the only one I still know.’” I removed the space because I think it’s unnecessary. If you added it for dramatic effect, you could write, “He paused and glanced around.” or something similar.

“Bill laughed, it was the deep from the belly kind of laugh that Kimber remembered.” –>”Bill laughed; it was the deep from the belly kind of laugh that Kimber remembered.” Actually, a colon may fit better in this sentence than in the other one.

I haven’t mention it before, but you’ve created a richly detailed universe. Things like the way wights are vanquished, and the background of the city – one of the shopkeepers usually leaves free pizza out, but this year it all got soggy – are really great.

And,

“Wes headed toward Barrett and they all heading into the small kitchen the bunkhouse boasted.” Need to change “they all heading” Maybe try, “Wes started toward Barrett and they all headed into the small kitchen the bunkhouse boasted.”

Sorry to make so many comments, but it is late for this old woman. Also, I want to give my edit comments as I find them, so I don’t lose them by the time I finish reading! I’m not really reading to edit, but for enjoyment, so know the things I point out are JUMPING out at me.

The remembering is past tense and should be reflected as such. Remember NOT to end a sentence with a preposition!!
XOX

Told you I should proofread!!! Love you, your “old sage teacher Aunt”

I’m glad you’re both enjoying.

Also, you go, Wes. You kill that wight.

Awesome chapter, as always!

Anyway, I think our dear Mr. Gray was tired as he proof-read…
~his mother had described the various used plants could be put to.~ uses?
~a hall that stretched at to the right, leading to the hands’ rooms.~ off to?
~“Well, it’s good to see again, Kimber,”~ see you again?

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